I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
