having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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