dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
