people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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