I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He passed out mid-signature
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You pole danced in your parka.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
