I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
