I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
