Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
