I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
