also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
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