My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
