I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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