playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
