Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
