Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
