Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
