I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it was like eating out sand paper
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
