I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
