North Korea, Best Korea!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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