Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
