Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
