I cannot find my penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
