I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize