my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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