I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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