Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
