Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Mom said you looked used
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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