I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
