She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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