Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
