I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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