TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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