Don't make out with my wife yet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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