i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
