My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
