she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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