Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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