my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
