I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
