I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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