D3 body, D1 cock
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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