all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
