Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
