when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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