I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
