Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
