is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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