my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
