2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
