Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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