uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
