Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
