So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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