Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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