They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
